


Freedom and Fear

by tonismadrid



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Cold War, Cold War, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:26:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonismadrid/pseuds/tonismadrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian Draxler and Erik Durm are "best friends" who live on opposite sides of Berlin in 1961. Julian lives in the West, while Erik is stuck with the hell that is East Berlin. They have an unbreakable bond that even an impenetrable wall between them can't break. Or at least, that's what they think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you so much for wanting to read my crap, I really appreciate it!  
> Second, for the most part I'm trying to stay historically accurate but it's hard with some of this due to the nature of East Berlin and how secretive they were. So anyone spots any historical inaccuracies, please, feel free to let me know! I have done research and any facts I use are from that! I'll post a bibliography at the end, to give credit where it's due!  
> Third, the other mentioned characters and ships will be coming in eventually, I promise!  
> That being said, I hope you enjoy!

“ _War is peace._

_Freedom is slavery._

_Ignorance is strength_.”

\- George Orwell, _1984_

Julian Draxler looked back and forth multiple times before he deemed it safe enough to cross. At that point it was legal for him to cross the border, he just didn’t want to pay the money for a visa to cross every single day. He slipped into the East side of Berlin, and quickly made his way to his destination. He knew the walk to his best friend’s house like he knew that he was fortunate to live in West Berlin. The “free” side. The capitalist side. The _American_ side. Sure, the British and the French were there too, but America symbolized freedom. Freedom was what they all wanted.

He reached the small house he knew so well, and knocked on the door. It was answered by Mrs. Durm, who had a baby in her arms.

She smiled, “Hello Julian, come on in.” She opened the door more for him, and he squeezed by her. “Erik! Julian is here!”

There was a loud bang from upstairs, and Erik appeared at the top of the small staircase. He came bounding down, a huge smile on his face. “Ready?” He asked his friend.

Julian nodded, “Let’s go!”

Erik grabbed the football by the door of his house, and followed Julian out. They went down to a small open grassy area where they could kick the ball around. It was their one relief from the hell that was Berlin in August of 1961. Granted, Julian did not have it as hard as Erik did. Julian lived in the district of Friedenau in West Berlin, which was well known as the bourgeois part. Erik lived in East Berlin, which was completely controlled by the Soviet Union. There was much more poverty and starvation in the East then in the West. In the West there was a free market, more money circulating, no mandatory military service, and no mandatory closing time for bars. It was Germany after all, of course closing times for bars mattered.

But tensions were rising, and both teenagers knew something bad would happen, and it would happen soon. Julian had been visiting every single day for the past month; he wanted as much time as he could get with Erik before that thing happened.

They reached their little area, and Erik put the ball on the ground. He kicked it to the entire other end of the field, and Julian went chasing after it. He stopped it with one foot, turned and hit it back to his friend with the other.

“Oi! Boy!” A voice boomed. Julian turned around, his heart racing. If someone found him there without a visa he was done for. A huge, burly man stood in front of him. He had a dark look on his face, and the huge bags under his eyes did not help his unfriendly look. “What the hell are you doing? That’s my land!”

“Sorry sir,” Julian answered, trying to compose himself. “We’re just kicking a football around; we’ll leave if you want us to.”

The man’s face lightened, “You two any good?”

“He’s really good,” Erik said, coming over to them. “He’s the best I’ve ever seen. Sorry Mr. Guardiola, I thought you weren’t home.”

The man shook his head, “Don’t worry about it Erik! You two have fun!” The man smiled at them, before disappearing back inside the house next to the small plot of land.

“Who was that?” Julian asked.

“Mr. Guardiola, he used to own this land. It’s a force of habit for him; he’s old and doesn’t really understand it’s not his anymore.” Erik frowned and look at the ground. Julian put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Hey, it’ll be fine, you’ll be alright Erik.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

Julian sighed, “I am not going to let you and your family starve. Nor will I let the _other_ thing happen.”

“We’re not your responsibility! The _other_ thing can't be helped.”

“No, you’re not, but you’re my best friend and I can’t stand to see you suffer. If there’s anything I can do to help I intend to do it.”

Erik stared at him, before a small smile appeared on his face. “You’re the best Jules.”

Julian smiled, “You too Erik, you too. You know I’m always here for you through all this, and it will end. It will end and there won’t be a border to worry about anymore.”

Erik sighed wistfully at the thought. Him and Julian had never known anything but war, poverty, and suffering. They were both born in 1943, two years before the war ended and the Soviet Union took over half of Europe. Somehow, Julian had been lucky enough to live in West Berlin, while Erik got stuck with the hell that was East Berlin. What he wouldn’t have given to be as lucky as his best friend.

Julian had it all. He lived on the West side, his parents were rich, and he was a very talented footballer. Erik hadn’t been lying when he’d told Mr. Guardiola that Julian was the best he’d ever seen. Being born in East Germany was the only major problem Julian had. If he had been born in West Germany Erik was sure he would have been able to play for a big club, and even the national team. He felt for his friend on that, he wanted to see him succeed more than anything. Julian might have been blessed, but he never hesitated to help other people. Erik couldn’t count the number of times Julian had put him before himself. He brought supplies from the West over for Erik’s family and everyone and anyone he saw. He was the kindest, most thoughtful person Erik knew and that was one of the things that he liked so much about him. He always knew when Erik was lying about being ok, and he knew exactly what to say to make him happier. He couldn’t have been prouder to call Julian his best friend.

“Hey, Erik!” Julian called, snapping him out of his thoughts. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I mean, as fine as I can be.”

Julian’s face fell, “Are you sure you’re ok?”

Erik smiled, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine! Now come on, let’s play!”

**~~**~~**

Julian woke to the sounds of yelling from outside. He knew that never meant anything good. He jumped up from his bed, and ran outside within a matter of seconds. People were screaming something about a wall.

A wall?

Julian’s heart stopped. They couldn’t mean a wall between East and West Berlin, could they?

He fought his way to the border and sure enough, there were people hard at work on a barrier between the two parts of the city. He couldn’t believe it; they were actually building a wall!

13 August 1961. The real day which would live in infamy. At least for him.

He had to get over, he had to see Erik!

“Julian! Julian come here!”

Julian closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath in annoyance.

“Yes mother?” He turned to face her.

She motioned to him, “Come here! I don’t want you anywhere near there.”

“But mother, Erik! I need to-”

“Julian!” She snapped. “Julian Draxler you will come here this instant!”

Julian looked at the ground and shuffled over to his mother. She pulled him into a tight hug, “Jules, I need you to go back to the house, do you understand.” He opened his mouth to fight her, but she held up her hand to stop him. “No buts Julian, go back to the house.”

Julian looked at her, and his heart hurt. He knew he had to obey her, but he also wanted to see his best friend. He didn’t know how long it would take them to fully build their stupid wall; he didn’t know if he’d get another chance to see Erik.

“Go, Julian.”

His heart dropped as his head fell and he made his way back to his house. Julian loved his home and his family. His father was one of the few reliable doctors in the whole city, so they were never short on any resources. But he didn’t like to flout that, mostly because he knew it bothered Erik. Erik was very confrontational, and wasn’t as openly kind to everyone he met as Julian was. He had a good reason to be like that, and Julian cared for him a lot nonetheless. He couldn’t really pinpoint what it was Julian liked so much about him. It was just, _Erik_. He just liked Erik. Between his goofy smile, and _sunny_ personality, what was there not to like?

Julian retreated to his room once he’d gotten to his house, and picked up a football from the floor. He lied down on his bed and did some small keepie upies with his feet. Tomorrow. Julian resolved that tomorrow he would cross the border and find his friend come hell or high water.

**~~**~~**

“Erik!” The sound of his mother yelling jolted Erik awake. The door to his room flew open, and his mother’s figure appeared. “Erik you have to come see this!”

He jumped out of his bed, and followed her out of the house. She took him toward the border, and his eyes widen and his heart stopped when he saw what was happening. They were building a wall. A bloody wall in the middle of Berlin.

“Erik, I’m so, so sorry,” his mother said, pulling him into a hug. He couldn’t help but cry into her shoulder. Erik was not normally a very emotional person, but he knew what a wall meant. A wall meant he wouldn’t see his best friend, possibly ever again. He could not live with that. Hell, he couldn’t even deal with the _thought_ of it.

“Mother, I need to go,” he choked out, pulling back from her. “I need to go find him!”

“Erik, no,” his mother replied, taking one of his hands. “Julian would not want you risking your life, not even to see him. I’m sure he’ll come visit as soon as he can. You’ll see him again Erik, I promise.”

Erik couldn’t help losing it again. He loved his mother so much. She was nothing but supportive of him and his crazy friendship with a rich West Berliner. She was his light in such a dark time. Well, her and Julian. Julian had only one younger brother, but they were so well off Julian didn’t have to worry about taking care of him at all. Erik had four younger siblings, two sisters and two brothers. His two sisters were fourteen and eight and his two brothers were six and six months. He had practically raised his six-year-old brother, Joshua. His father was always working, and his mother had enough to deal with in his two sisters. His fourteen-year-old sister was Scarlet and his eight-year-old sister was Ann. His baby brother was Max. He loved his family to the moon and back, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for them. The best part was, he knew there was nothing Julian wouldn’t do for them either.

Julian.

He had to see him again. There was nothing that existed on earth that was going to stop him from seeing his best friend again.


	2. Chapter Two

_“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”_

_-_ Jane Austen, _Pride and Prejudice_

 

Julian moved the food around his plate, his mind elsewhere. His parents were having some conversation with his younger brother, Lars, but he was paying no attention what so ever. All that mattered to him was that it had been two days. _Two whole days_ of work on that damn wall and he hadn’t been able to find a way to get over to visit Erik. Every day that passed his chances slipped lower, and lower.

“Julian.” His mother’s use of his name brought him out of his thought and back to reality. “Julian, are you alright?”

He nodded, “Yes mother, I’m fine.”

He was in no way fine. But she couldn’t know that.

“Lars here was just telling us about a girl he met today in school, what about you Jules? Have you found anyone?”

“ _Mother_!” He exclaimed. “I’m seventeen, not twenty-seven! That’s not important.”

She shrugged, “Either way, you’re lonely Julian. And I think I know why. You’ve never had a girlfriend, and I think it’s about time. You need to think about marrying and having a family.”

Julian’s eyes widened, he couldn’t believe those words were coming out of her mouth. He was seventeen! He did _not_ need to think about marrying, not in the slightest!

Whether he thought it was time or not, he wasn’t very interested in marrying. He couldn’t place why, but he didn’t want to marry. It wasn’t the life for him, but he did not have the courage to tell his mother that. She was counting on him to have a family and inherit the family fortune. Not that he couldn’t inherit the money on his own, but he thought she wanted someone for him to pass it down to. But he didn’t want any of that.

His dream, apart from getting out of Berlin with Erik, was to be a professional footballer. Just thinking about the possibility made his heart race. Erik always said he could make it. Even his mother thought it might be an applicable career, had he been born in West Germany. Everything would have been different if Erik and he had been born in the West.

“Julian, did you hear me?” He looked up at her. “I know you have more free time, now that you can’t go visit Erik. I want you to spend it trying to find a woman, not practicing football. I know you’re good Jules, but there’s nothing you can do with those skills in this city.”

“Mother, I’m seventeen! I’m not going to use my free time to look for a woman!”

She shook her head, “No Julian, that is exactly how you will! I don’t want you trying to sneak over the border to the East, so this is a perfect distraction.”

Julian rolled his eyes, “Why? Because you don’t like Erik? What did he ever do to you?”

“It’s not because I don’t like Erik, it’s because I don’t want you killed!”

“I’m not going to die; do you trust me that little? I can't just not see my best friend ever again!”

She sighed, “I know Julian, I know. It’s just, I can't not worry about you every time you’re outside of this house. You know what kind of world we live in.”

Julian stared at her, “Are you joking? We have it so good compared to the people in the East! They are living in hell! We have absolutely nothing to fear compared to them! Not only do they fear starvation, or the eventual collapse of their economy, but they fear the _Stasi_! Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of them, because I know you have; everyone has. And then look at us! We’re free; we don’t have that constant chip on our shoulder of worrying about being _executed_ for the silliest little thing. We are so blessed to be able to have all that we have, and you want to tell me that we live in such a terrible world. The city we live in is hell, but we do not have any part of that hell.”

She was fuming. He knew she was half way through his speech, but he hadn’t stopped. He couldn’t stop. He had to stand up for Erik and all the people suffering in the East. His mother was so oblivious; she only ever left the house to go grocery shopping. She had never been to the East; she didn’t know how much they were suffering.

“I lived through a World War!” She screamed, jumping to her feet. “I watched as my brothers and father marched off to war, to never come back! You want to tell me about suffering? _You’re_ the one that has never known suffering! Go to your room! _Now_!”

Julian stood up and rushed up to his room as quickly as possible. He grabbed his football, stuffed it in a bag, and opened his window. He lived on the second floor of their big house; he’d climbed out his window before so he knew what he was doing. Julian climbed out, and was careful not to make much noise or to make it look like anything had been altered. He reached the ground, and took off.

He somehow found his way down to the border between East and West. He eyed the construction, trying to see if he could find a way though.

“Get away boy!” A gruff voice boomed. He looked over, and saw a very important looking person with a Soviet soldier uniform on marching right toward him. That could not be good. “You heard me boy, away with you!”

“I want to cross to the East,” Julian stated, suddenly feeling brave.

The solider snorted, “You could try, but you’d die in the process.”

“My best friend is over there.”

The man laughed, “Aw, how _cute_. Guess what, no one gives a shit! Go back to the rat hole you came from. I guess you’ll never be seeing your cute little friend again. How sad.”

Julian glared at him, his breathing increasing with every passing second. He did not just insult him, and Erik! Julian pulled the ball out of his bag as the solider turned around and started to walk away. He put the ball on the ground, and watched as he walked. He took a deep breath, before backing up to get some more power on the ball. He ran forward, and struck the ball with all the power his body possessed. It hit the man in the center of the back of his head, and knocked him flat on his face.

Julian audibly laughed as he ran after his ball, picked it up and took off into the city. He _had_ to tell Erik about that! He knew his friend would die of laughter merely at the thought of Julian kicking a ball at a Soviet’s head. Mostly because Julian was generally a peaceful person; he wasn’t one for conflict like Erik was.

Erik.

All he wanted was to see his friend again, even if only for a few minutes. He had to get through that border before it was completely blocked!

He knew he could. That stupid solider would not stop him. Julian had something much more powerful then human strength on his side. Determination. He could do it.

Julian spent a few more hours on a small pitch in the city practicing his shooting. It all went really well, and he got a few comments from people who had walked by and seen him. A few people told him to get to West Germany while he could because he could be something great. Little did they know he didn’t have that choice. He wasn’t going anywhere, not without Erik, even if it meant a football career.

When he got back to his house it was late. The entire house was dark as he slowly opened the front door and snuck up to his room. In a house as big as his was it was relatively easy to sneak in. No one cared, let alone noticed. It was a blessing and a curse.

Julian opened the door to his room and found it undisturbed; his parents had no idea he’d gone. Well, more importantly, his mother didn’t know. She was the real problem, but no one knew, not even Erik. He didn’t want to bother Erik with his petty fights with his mother while Erik was struggling with something much, much worse.

Julian’s mother was very disagreeable. It was her way, or no way. If Julian didn’t get the grades she wanted him to get in school, it meant no football for an entire month. If he got home a second later than he’d told her he would, it was two months with no football. The only thing was, she was a little negligent so he could get away with pretty much anything in reality. But he knew if for some reason she had nothing to do on a particular day, he was in the spotlight. Julian kept a very diligent eye on when his mother was busy and when she wasn’t. Risking her wrath was like risking a harsh slide tackle in the penalty box. It resulted in either glory, or failure. Nothing compared to successfully defying her because it usually meant he saw Erik, but at the same time she could bring the apocalypse.

Julian loved his mother, he had no doubt about it. He just didn’t care for her personality and harsh punishments much. Now Erik’s mother, she was an angel. She had five kids and hardly enough money to feed them all, but she was always smiling. Julian couldn’t recall ever seeing her angry or upset, even when Erik and him had broken one of the windows in the house with a football. She was a lovely woman, and Erik was lucky to have her as his mother. Julian knew his best friend was in good hands during these trying times.

He just hoped they didn’t last forever.


	3. Chapter Three

" _Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat_." 

\- Ralph Ellison, _Invisible Man_

“Hey!” Erik yelled as a man grabbed the basket he was carrying from his grasp and ran in the other direction. “That’s mine! Come back here!” Erik took off running after him. It didn’t take long for him to catch up; he was clearly faster than the man.

Erik tackled him to the ground, and pried the basket out of his grubby hands. “This is for my four younger siblings, one of which is a baby!” He stood up, and clutched the basket of food to his chest. Food he had paid for with the money his father had worked so hard to earn.

“P-please sir!” The man said, rolling onto his back. Erik finally got a good look at the thief. He was a boy, not a man, and he couldn’t have been older than twelve. “M-my family has no money and no food! We have ten people to feed, please!”

Erik sighed, and looked down at the basket. He knew what Julian would have done. Julian would have given it to the boy without hesitation. But he was not Julian, and his situation was much worse than Julian’s. Erik had a family to feed.

He turned to go, and the boy wailed. “Please! My grandmother and grandfather are dying from starvation! We don’t have enough money to buy food for everyone. Please, I’m begging you.”

Erik stopped, he just couldn’t do it. Maybe it was his best friend’s influence, or maybe it was his conscience yelling at him to do the right thing for once. Or maybe it was the thought that they only way for any of them to survive this hell was to stick together and help each other. He pulled a loaf of bread out of the basket and handed it to the boy. His face lit up at the sight of the bread. He scrambled to his feet and took the bread.

“Thank you sir, I cannot thank you enough!”

“Just don’t waste it,” Erik answered, his face displaying the first genuine smile since he’d seen Julian last, an entire week ago. The boy, in a moment of pure joy, hugged him. Erik looked down at this little boy, and he understood why Julian was always so kind to everyone. There was an indescribable high that one got from doing a good deed. It was better than almost anything, almost.

“What’s your name?” Erik asked the boy.

“J-Jonas,” the boy answered.

“I’m Erik. Now go, help your family.”

“Thank you Erik, thank you! I won’t forget this!”

With that, Benedikt took off to help feed his family. Erik let out a sigh, it looked like he wouldn’t be getting anything to eat that night. He didn’t let his mother find out when there were nights that he didn’t eat; he didn’t want her to worry. He was strong enough that he could sacrifice a meal every now and again so his siblings could eat more.

Erik took an abnormal route home that night. He walked right by the construction of the wall; somewhere he hadn’t dared to go near since the first day. Something was calling him there that night, something he couldn’t explain until he heard the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

“Erik! Erik!”

He knew that voice anywhere. Before he could do anything he was engulfed in the warm, strong embrace of his best friend.

“Julian!” Erik breathed out, in the most relived voice he’d ever heard from himself. “You’re alright!”

“Of course I’m alright!” Julian replied, smiling. “You’re the one I’m so much more concerned about. How are you? How’s baby Max? How’s your mother?”

Erik looked at the ground, and held the basket out to show him. “This is all we have for dinner.”

“No, it’s not.” Julian held out his own basket, filled to the brim with not only bread, some glasses of milk, and other assorted food, but chocolate! Erik had no idea how the hell Julian had managed to get his hands on _chocolate_ , but one thing was for sure, Julian Draxler was a Saint.

“Julian, how can I ever thank you?” Erik asked, taking the basket.

Julian just smiled at him, “There’s no need to thank me! I do what I can to help those who are closest to me, you know that! Now come on, I want to see your mother’s face when she sees it!”

Erik had no idea how he’d managed to get such an amazing friend.

They walked back to Erik’s house, telling each other about all that had gone on in the past week. Erik told him as little as he could about their struggles, and tried to keep the conversation mainly focused on Julian. But with Julian being as brilliantly sensitive as he was, that was particularly difficult. And of course they ended up talking about Erik for most of them time. But, Julian did tell him a fantastic story about how he’d hit a Soviet soldier in the head with a football! Erik wished he’d been there to see that!

When they reached the Durm house, Erik opened the door and let Julian in. “Mother!” He called. “Can you come here? There’s something urgent I need to tell you.”

“What’s wrong dear?” His mother called, her voice getting closer with every passing second. “Is it Julian? Is he… oh!” She turned the corner, and smiled when she saw Julian. “Hello Julian! I’m so glad to see you’re safe! How are you?”

He shook his head, “That doesn’t matter.” Erik had given him back the basket so Julian could present it to his mother. “This is for you.” He held out the present to her, and she took it. She opened it, and when she saw it she gasped, and covered her mouth with one of her hands. Julian could’ve sworn he saw tears in her eyes as she looked through all the food.

“Julian, oh my god! I simply cannot accept this!”

“No, no Mrs. Durm please, you have to. I know you need it; it’s all left over from our meals. I’m sorry I couldn’t get more, but it was hard to sneak any more than that over.”

“Julian this is more than enough! I-I don’t know what to say!”

Julian smiled as she seemingly had a mental breakdown. He wanted to help make his friend’s life better in any way, shape, or form, and he had a feeling that basket was a good start.

Mrs. Durm looked up at him, smiling the most heartfelt smile Julian had ever seen on a person. “I cannot, and will never be able to adequately thank you for what you’ve just done. You are such a kind, caring, and brilliant human being Julian, and I hope you never lose sight of what makes you, you, because it’s absolutely wonderful.”

Erik looked on to the whole exchange, a proud gleam on his face. _He_ had the best friend in the world, and he knew it. He also knew that there was nothing that could break a bond as strong as theirs.

“Julian dear, would you like to stay for dinner? It’s the least I can do.”

Julian shook his head, “No, thank you Mrs. Durm. I intended that food for your family and your family alone, it would be rude of me to take any.” He turned to Erik. “I can’t stay much longer; my mother might notice I’m gone.”

“Your mother doesn’t know you’re gone?” Erik asked, staring at him. Julian never talked about his mother much, but Erik had always assumed they had a good relationship.

Julian looked at the floor, “No, not really. I really have to go before I get in too much trouble.”

“Come here!” Mrs. Durm said, opening her arms to Julian. He gave her a big hug as she continued to thank him. She sensed that she was no longer wanted, and made her way back into the kitchen to show her children that they would be eating well that night.

“Why doesn’t your mother know Julian?” Erik asked once his mother was out of the room.

“No reason. Please, Erik, don’t worry about it. You have enough on your plate as it is, I cannot have you worrying about me too. I’ll be fine, I have no doubts about it. But you, I’m constantly so worried about you. Here, where they-” Julian was interrupt by Erik frantically waving his hands. He nodded to the phone behind him, and Julian understood immediately.

Erik had told him about the Stasi, the secret police of East Germany. Erik said they had all the phones bugged, and even had hidden cameras all over the cities. They had normal citizens as their informants, who would rat anyone out on a slight suspicion. Their citizen informants also helped choose people to be the newest members of the Stasi, and Erik was scared they’d pick him. He had never shown any signs of rebellion because he was constantly focusing on helping raise his younger siblings. He was also physically strong, and could win a fight even with no formal training.

Both Erik and Julian knew that if the Stasi came calling, there was no way for Erik to say no without putting his family at risk. Sure, Julian was worried about them starving, but he was even more scared about the fact that his best friend could end up fighting for the one cause he hated most in the world.

The world that Erik lived in was eerily similar to the one George Orwell had come up with for his chilling novel, _1984_. The whole situation frightened Julian out of his wits. He would not, could not see his perfect Erik get brainwashed like Winston did in the book.

“Jules, are you alright?”

Erik’s voice brought Julian out of his dark train of thought and back into the present, where Erik was still Erik.

Julian nodded, “I’m alright. But I really should get home. Don’t worry, I have a way back. Although, I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back over. I don’t think they’re letting us come over.”

“Then here, take this.” Erik went over to the table the phone was on, grabbed a pen and paper, and scribbled something down. “My home phone number. Call it, every day.”

Julian smiled and nodded, “Of course I will! Stay safe Erik.” Julian pulled his friend into one last tight hug, his heart aching. Sure, talking on the phone was better than nothing, but it in no way compared to a real, face to face, conversation. Julian would take it, however, if it meant he got to keep tabs on Erik every day.

“Good bye Julian, and don’t forget to call!”

Julian nodded, pulling out of the huge. “I won’t, I swear. I’ll see you later!” He gave Erik a pointed look, as to tell him this was _not_ the end, nowhere near it.

Erik nodded, “See you later!”

Julian looked at him one last time, before leaving the house. Erik stared after him, immediately feeling the huge gap in his heart that his forever cheerful friend filled. Julian was right, he would see him later. Whether that meant the next day, or ten years from then Erik didn’t know. But he would see Julian again, that he knew for sure.

However, they were almost done building their wall. And Erik had a feeling that wall would be the death of him.


	4. Chapter Four

“ _It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen_.”

- George Orwell, _1984_

 

“Damnit!” Julian exclaimed as he hit the football way over his brother’s head. “Sorry Lars, I’ll go get it.”

Lars shook his head, “No, it’s fine! I’ll get it.” He ran after the ball, and kicked it back to Julian once he reached it. Julian controlled it, and stopped it under his feet as Lars ran back to his spot. “Are you alright Jules?”

Julian shrugged, “I’m fine, I guess. I just…”

“Nervous? Mother?”

Julian nodded, “Both.”

Lars sighed, “Don’t get too hung up over what she says Jules. She just wants what she thinks is best for you, and sometimes she doesn’t realize that she doesn’t know what’s best for you. And I can’t believe you’re nervous about tryouts. Julian, you’re the best footballer in all of Berlin. They’d be insane not to take you, and have you start.”

“Are you sure you’re fifteen?” Julian asked him, smiling.

Lars nodded, “Positive! Come on, it’s time we got to school.” Julian kicked up the ball into his hand, and put it in his bag. They headed off to their big, fancy, private school together. Their parents had money, and they were not afraid to show it. Julian and Lars went to the best private school in the entire city. Lars thrived, but Julian hated it. It was missing one key component; Erik. Everyone knew he hated it, and everyone knew why.

Julian and Lars parted ways once they reached the school, Julian was a senior and Lars a sophomore. So they never had any classes together, nor where they even in the same side of the building. Julian wished he could have been in the same wing as Lars, he loved his brother. He was his only close friend in the entirety of West Berlin.

He plopped down in his seat in first period, only to be met by giggles. He knew they were all talking about him; they were always talking about him. It was a rich kid school; most of the people there were as mean as you could get. They were all stuck up snobs and he had no friends there. To top it all off, they all made fun of him for being friends with Erik.

“Hey Draxler,” a very unfriendly voice called to him. It knew who it was instantly, Mats Hummels. Mats would never leave him alone. _Never_. He didn’t know what Mats had against him. Maybe it was that Julian was obviously better than him at football, and he was trying out for the team for the first time that day. In the past he’d been too scared, but Erik had convinced him to do it.

He sighed, “What?” He didn’t give Mats the satisfaction of turning around.

“That wall looks awful nice, doesn’t it? How’s your stupid little friend?”

Julian drew in a deep breath. He was usually a calm and collected person, but he couldn’t _stand it_ when people made fun of Erik.

“He is not stupid,” Julian said, both of his hands in fists. He was trying to keep himself composed.

“Mats,” the voice of Mats’ best friend Benedikt said. “Leave him alone, please.” Benedikt Höwedes was the only one in the entire school, other than Lars, who was kind to Julian. Julian was eternally grateful for it, but he could never tell him or risk getting bashed by Mats for coming near his “best friend”. They were very good at hiding it because of how frowned upon it was, but Julian saw they were so much more than friends.

 “If he’s not stupid, then why is he still in East Berlin?” Mats said, ignoring Benedikt. “Behind a _wall_.”

Right before Julian could turn around and strangle Mats, the teacher walked in and silenced everyone.

“Good morning class,” he opened with. “Get out your books and open them to page 238, we will begin today’s lesson there.”

Julian sighed, saved by the teacher. He wasn’t complaining. He would have rather had the lesson then listen to Mats’ abusive comments for another second.

**~~**~~**

Julian sat on the ground, tying his boots. He heard footsteps and laughing, but didn’t look up. He knew who it was, and he knew what they’d do.

He felt something hit him from behind, and he instinctively turned around to find Mats laughing.

“Hey, Draxler,” he exclaimed. “Watch where you’re going next time.” Benedikt grabbed Mats and pulled him away, giving him a look. Julian just rolled his eyes before he finished tying his boots. What a petty move; he’d show Mats up on the pitch.

One thing he really didn’t understand was why Mats was considered popular even though he was a total asshole, yet Julian was always made fun of and shamed. Julian had never been anything but nice to the people at the school and the only person who saw it was Mats Hummles’ best friend. It just made no sense.

It was the day of the tryouts for the school football team. Julian had called Erik very early that morning complaining about how nervous he was. Erik had _laughed_ at him, actually laughed! He told him he would make it without a doubt, but he did also tell him good luck. Julian had a feeling Erik was downplaying his situation when he’d told him that everything was “just dandy” very sarcastically. The wall still hadn’t been completed that morning in a few areas, and Julian intended to cross after tryouts.

“Alright everyone!” A voice boomed. Julian looked up, and saw the coach, Mr. Löw, standing with a clipboard. “Get up and get over here, it’s time to being.”

Julian jumped to his feet, and went over to stand in the back of the group as the coach began try outs.

“For those of you who might not know, I am Coach Löw. This is no stilly team you try out for just to have fun. We are here to win, and win big. We have the only traveling team in Berlin, and I intend to represent this city very well in West Germany. So, I will take the best, and only the best, and you will be at practice every single day after school and you will give it your all. Is that understood?”

Everyone grumbled that they understood. It seemed like Julian had no idea what he was getting himself into. He had no idea they were a traveling team, he assumed they just played other schools in West Berlin. He had never paid any attention to the team before and it was coming back to haunt him.

“All spots on the team are open, except for keeper. We have our first and second keeper already. With that being said, let’s start!”

Julian quietly completed all the drills that were thrown at him, and he could tell everyone was impressed with his skills. Every time he went anywhere near Mats, Mats would sneer at him or make some other rude gesture. Julian just ignored it and didn’t let it bother him. He had a team to make; Mats Hummels was the last of his worries.

The last drill for try outs was a scrimmage, and Mats was on the opposite team as Julian. He was determined to get a run past the defender and score.

Somehow Julian found himself with the ball in the attacking third, and he was staring right at Mats. He didn’t do the sensible thing and pass his to any of his teammates, oh no. He dribbled right at Mats. Mats looked ready for him, and Julian was so eager to wipe the smirk off his face.

Julian stopped in front of him, giving himself a second to think. Mats tried to get at the ball, and Julian faked to go right then did a simple roulette around him to the left. Mats stumbled trying to get back to Julian, and that gave him all the time he needed to line up a shot, and take it. Julian screamed in joy when the ball hit the back of the net.

He’d done it! He’d beaten Mats Hummels and scored! Erik would be so proud of him!

Julian’s team came up to him and congratulated him. They all celebrated for a little, before the game resumed. Mats was mad, and he was _not_ trying to hide it. He came running on the attack the second the ball was kicked off, and he was coming right at Julian.

But he was prepared. He was ready when Mats came running at him with the ball, and managed to steal it away from the defender. Which, of course, mad Mats even angrier, and he chased after Julian, and just pushed him to the ground.

“Get up Draxler!” He yelled, as Coach Löw whistled for a foul. “Get up, you slimy little Communist sympathizer!”

“I am not a Communist sympathizer!” Julian cried in defense of himself. He could not believe that was what Mats thought of him! He hated communism and the Soviet Union! They were the main cause of Erik’s despair, of course he hated them!

“Hummels!” Coach Löw yelled as Julian slowly got back on his feet. “That is enough! That was a straight red! Thirty laps around the field, now!”

“But coach-”

“ _Now_!”

Mats looked at Benedikt for help, but he just shook his head at his friend, clearly upset with him. Mats grumbled, but started his laps anyway. They played on for a few more minutes, and Mats never got to rejoin the group before Löw blew his whistle, signaling full time.

“Thank you everyone,” the coach said. “For a great try out. Not you Hummels, you keep running.” Julian had to try hard to hide his amusement at that. “The list will be posted by the end of the week. You can all go, except you Hummels. I’m staying until you’re done. Pushing someone for no reason, I’m disappointed.”

Julian couldn’t hide his smile anymore as he went to get his stuff and put his normal shoes back on for the walk home.

“Hey Julian!” He turned around, and his mouth dropped open slightly when he saw Philipp Lahm, Miroslav Klose, and Per Mertesacker coming over to him. They were the football _kings_ of his grade. Not only where they the three oldest boys in his grade, but they were highly regarded as the kindest, most talented boys in the whole school. Everyone knew they were going to go off and play football for some big club somewhere. And _they_ were coming up to talk to _him_.

“Hi,” Julian managed to answer.

“I’m Philipp,” Philipp introduced himself. “But most people just call me Fips. The giant is Per and the not as giant is Miroslav. Why have you never tried out for the team before? You were amazing out there.”

Julian could not believe that _Philipp Lahm_ had just called him amazing. All he managed to do was nod in response. He couldn’t wait to go try to scale the wall and go tell Erik.

“You should’ve tried out earlier,” Miroslav said. “You would have been great captain material. But instead we’re stuck with the dwarf.”

Philipp rolled his eyes, “Thanks Miro. Anyway, welcome to the team!”

“I haven’t even made it yet, and thank you,” Julian somehow told them.

All three boys laughed. “Maybe not officially,” Philipp answered. “But we have no doubts you’ll make the starting eleven let alone the team!”

“Thank you so much,” Julian replied.

Philipp smiled at him, and actual genuine smile. “It’s no problem! We’ll see you at the first training!”

Julian nodded, “Yeah, see you then.” He watched as they walked away, completely dumbstruck. He could not believe what had just transpired. And he probably wouldn’t until he told Erik.

“Hey Julian.” He looked over, and this time it was Benedikt approaching him. “I’m really sorry about Mats, he _hates_ getting beat. He doesn’t know how to control himself sometimes. I’m sorry, are you ok?”

“Thank you, Benedikt. And yeah, I’m perfectly fine, thanks for asking.”

“You can just call me Benni. Don’t tell Mats I said this, but you were really amazing out there. I’m so excited to have you on the team!”

Julian smiled at him, “Thanks Benni.”

“No problem Julian! And really, don’t take anything Mats says to heart. He’s like that with people who threaten him. I have no clue why he sees you as a threat though; I’ve never seen you be anything but kind to everyone even when they’re so mean to you. You really don’t deserve it.”

“Thank you so much.”

Benni smiled, “Someone had to tell you. See you around Julian!”

“See you!”

Julian felt lightheaded as Benni walked away. People were actually being nice to him; he couldn’t believe it. Nor could he wait to tell Erik!

Just the thought of Erik sent him jumping to his feet and running off. He jogged all the way to the spot he’d seen in the morning that still wasn’t finished.

When he got there, he was horrified at what he saw; a completed wall.

He started running along, desperately trying to find a spot in the wall that was still unfinished. He found none.

“What do you think you’re doing boy?” A different solider then before called to him. Julian shook his head, not able to speak. “Get out!”

Julian didn’t hesitate another second before running home. He stormed into the house, and right past his mother.

“Julian! Julian Draxler you will come here this instant!”

“No!” He yelled, slamming the door to his room. He threw his school and football bag to the side, and collapsed onto his bed.

That was it.

His chances of ever crossing that wall were slim to none.

Two weeks it had taken them to fully build it.

And in those two weeks he’d only seen Erik once. And for all he knew, it could have been the last time he saw him.

“ _No_ ,” he said out loud. “I’ll see him again; I have to see him again!”

He couldn’t help the tears anymore. They fell freely as he buried his head in his pillow. Nothing mattered in that moment. Nothing mattered except Erik.

He might never see his best friend again. He simply could not deal with that thought.

Julian had known Erik for as long as he could remember. They’d practically grown up together. They’d met one day when Julian had wondered into East Berlin chasing after a football. Erik got to the football before Julian, and teased him to get it. After that incident, Julian kept “accidently” going over to the East because he felt a strange connection to the boy. And boy was he right. The two of them hit it off, and well, the rest was history.

Julian could not deal with the thought of never being able to tease his friend again. Of never being able to show him up on freestyle skills with a football. To never hear his voice; his real voice, not one distorted by the phone.

But what hurt the most was that he might never be able to just _be_ in Erik’s company. That was the thought that hurt the most, because just being with Erik matter so much more than any of the other things. Yet, there was a possibility of him never laying eyes on Erik ever again.

Julian’s clock had just struck thirteen.


	5. Chapter Five

“ _Till this moment I never knew myself_.” 

\- Jane Austen,  _Pride and Prejudice_

 

Erik sat on the ground, picking at the dirt around him and staring at the giant wall. He missed Julian. It had only been a week and three days since he’d seen him, but Erik missed him like hell. Sure, they’d talked on the phone every single day, but still. Julian told him about how much of an asshole Mats Hummels was, and how kind Benedikt Höwedes and a bunch of other footballers were suddenly being to him. Erik had tried not to tell Julian very much, but with how thoughtful that boy was it was _impossible_. Erik didn’t really mind; he trusted Julian with his life. But there were somethings he just couldn’t say since he knew his phone was tapped. Julian understood that, but wouldn’t let up asking how everything was anyway.

“Erik, there you are,” a soft female voice said. He didn’t have to turn to recognize his fourteen-year-old sister, Scarlett. She sat down next to him, and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. He leaned his head onto hers. “Mother is looking for you; I thought I’d find you here. Are you alright?”

Erik sighed, “As alright as I can be, given the circumstances.”

“You really don’t get enough thanks for all you do for us.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re my family, and I’d do anything for you no questions asked.”

“Even if it meant never seeing Julian again?”

Erik paused for a second. He loved his family, he had no doubt about that in his mind, and he _would_ do anything for them. But never seeing his best friend again? That was a thought he could not bear to think.

“I don’t know,” he answered, taking the safe way out. “Hopefully it never comes to that. You know, if it does, I think I might rather die.”

“I can’t blame you.” She stood up, and offered him her hand. “Come on, you have real life responsibilities to attend to. Staring at that wall all day won’t make it come down sooner, nor will it make Julian magically appear.”

Erik took her hand, and looked down at her when he stood at his full height of six foot. “When did you grow up Scar?”

She gave him a small smile, “When I realized you and mother can’t take care of four children all on your own.”

He sighed, and followed her slowly back to the house. She was still a child. Hell, _he_ was still a child. That was the kind of hellish world they lived in, where fourteen-year-olds were already trying to help support a family. Erik hated it, but there was nothing he could do about it. Except run away with Julian… but no, that was out of the question at that point, and possibly for good.

But looking around East Berlin, Erik realized how nice they really had it. They had a house, with two stories. Most people could hardly afford an apartment, let alone a house. He really was blessed in so many ways. His father had a job, and his mother was the second most caring and thoughtful person he knew, with Julian being the first. Granted, his father’s job in a small factory didn’t pay very much, but it was a lot better than nothing. The real reason they had to scramble for food was the sheer size of their family. The economy wasn’t _that_ terrible in East Berlin, not yet anyway. Fear was the actual problem; fear of the Stasi.

Everyone knew they were always watching, even Julian knew. Erik was surprised they hadn’t tried to arrest him yet for having an “illegal friendship”. Maybe they weren’t as diligent as everyone though?

No, of course they knew about Julian. Erik figured it was just a matter of time before they came for him. The Stasi were notorious for calling people out at the tiniest hint of treason. That’s what really made them so bad. Well, that and the fact that they knew and saw everything. There was no such thing as privacy anymore.

“Hey Erik!”

Erik was snapped out of his train of thought by the voice of his closest friend from his school, Marco Reus. He liked Marco a lot, but he was still nothing compared to Julian. No one was anything compared to Julian.

“Hi Marco!” Erik replied. “How’s it going?”

Marco laughed, “You saw me yesterday! Nothing has changed since then. You?”

Erik shrugged, “As fine as I can be.”

“You up for a game?” Marco held out a football. Erik turned to his sister.

She sighed, “I’ll tell mother to wait, you’ve got a football date. I know how you are about football.” She lowered her voice. “Besides, I can’t stand saying no to Marco!”

Scarlett had the biggest crush on Marco. She had ever since the day she’d met him. Erik could tell he didn’t return the feeling, but he wasn’t about to crush his sister’s dreams.

“Hi to you too Scarlett,” Marco added. Erik could have sworn he heard her squeal.

“Yeah, I can come play,” he finally replied. “Tell mother where I am please Scar. I’ll see you for dinner!”

She nodded, seemingly in a daze, before she ran off. Marco kicked Erik the ball, and Erik reacted instantly and controlled it down. He followed Marco to the crappy pitch that was at their school. There were a bunch of people waiting for them, ready to play.

Nothing took Erik’s mind off the present like football. He was pretty decent too, for a defender. Of course, he was nothing compared to Julian but he was proud of himself nonetheless. And Julian always told him if he could put more time into it he could be brilliant.

They played a full ninety-minute game, and it was absolutely amazing. Not only did Erik have a fantastic game, but his favorite front due of Marco and his “friend” Mario Götze were bossing the attack.

Mario was the reason Erik was pretty sure Marco did not have a crush on Scarlett. It was so obvious how in love they were that Erik was surprised their parents hadn’t banned them from seeing each other anymore. Being gay was such a taboo in their early 1960s society, it wouldn’t have been a surprise. Erik had no problems with it whatsoever though.

They ended up winning their game, and somehow Erik found himself back at Marco’s house, and it was down to just him, Marco, and Mario. He had no recollection of how he’d gotten there.

They were in Marco’s room sitting in a circle, and just talking. It was nice; Erik hadn’t just sat and talked to anyone except Julian for as long as he could remember. As much as he cared about Julian, it was nice to have different opinions.

“So Erik,” Marco said, turning to him. “What’s up with you and that West Berlin guy? What’s his name again?”

“Julian,” Erik answered. “And we’re still friends, of course we are! That wall can’t separate us; you guys should know that.”

Marco laughed, “Oh my god Erik, you’re so oblivious! That is _not_ what I meant!”

Erik gave him a questioning look, and Mario started laughing as well. “Erik, you’re such a loser! You love him, don’t you? You _have_ to love him! It’s ok, you don’t have to hide from us.” Marco wrapped his arm around Mario’s shoulder, and Mario snuggled closer to him.

Erik knew it! He was so proud of himself for figuring that one out! But were they implying that he had stronger feelings for Julian then just as friends? Erik had never thought about it before. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like his feelings for Julian were stronger than even he knew.

“Oh wow,” Marco mused. “You really never thought of that, did you?” Erik shook his head. “Well now that you have, I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Marco,” Mario hissed. “Leave him alone, he’s having a revelation. Let him have it in peace.”

Marco rolled his eyes, “Why the hell do I date you?”

Mario smiled the biggest smile up at him, “Because I’m amazing and you know it.”

Marco smiled, “Yeah, I know.”

“Ok,” Erik interrupted. They were getting a little too chummy for his liking. He figured they’d want the room to themselves. “I think I’m gonna go home now.”

“Aw no, don’t-” Mario started, before Marco coughed to cut him off. Mario got the message, and smiled at Erik. “We’ll see you at school!”

“Thank you guys, see you at school.”

Erik got up, walked out of the room, and left the small apartment. His mind was whirling as he walked home, Mario and Marco’s words running through his head. Could he love Julian like _that_? It was definitely possible; Erik had very strong feelings for him, of that he was certain. He’d just never even considered it, and really didn’t think there was a point now. He was probably never going to see Julian again, so it didn’t matter much.

Yet somehow, it was all he could think about on his walk home.

By the time he finally made it back to his house, he was exhausted just from thinking. But that thinking had brought to light something he’d never dared to think before; he loved Julian. He had no doubts about it anymore. The way his heart melted when Julian smiled, or how he always longed to even just be near his friend. There was nothing to describe his feelings but love.

But did Julian feel that way too?

Erik pondered this as he opened the door to his house, and was surprised when he was meant by the instant embrace of his mother.

“Erik, where have you been?” She asked, sounding more solemn then he’d ever heard her before.

“I was playing football with Marco and the boys, didn’t Scarlett tell you?” He asked, sensing something was horribly wrong. “I just went to Marco’s place after, sorry, I shouldn’t have.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she said, putting an obviously forced smile onto her face. “I love that you’re spending time with friends. But right now, there’s someone here to see you love.”

His heart started racing, was it Julian? No, it couldn’t have been. His mother would have been much happier if it had been. Whoever it was, this person was bad news.

Erik followed his mother into the kitchen, where a giant man in a Soviet Uniform was standing. He was intimidating. With his buzz cut, sharp jawline and cheek bones, and a uniform that clung to his giant muscles even the bravest person would have been scared of him.

“Hello Erik,” he said, looking right at him. Erik had to keep telling himself to breath as he kept forgetting how. “My name is Captain Mourinho, I’m from the Stasi.” _Shit_. “We’d like to recruit you as a _Geheimer Informator_.” Secret informer. Basically a person who spied on his fellow citizens. Erik’s second worst nightmare. “But in order for that to happen, which it will, there is one thing you need to do for us first.”

Erik bit down on his bottom lip; he knew where this was going. There was only one place it could possibly go. His heart was racing as he answered, “Anything.”

“We need you to completely sever your ties with that West Berlin boy, Julian Draxler. We’ll let you pass into the West for an hour so you can tell him you can never see him again in person; we’re not _that_ mean. But it has to be done if you are to work for us, we can’t have one of our own with any illegal friendships.”

That was the moment Erik felt his life truly ending.


	6. Chapter Six

_“Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood_   
_Clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather_   
_The multitudinous seas incarnadine,_   
_Making the green one red.”_

\- William Shakespeare, _Macbeth_

“Are you excited?” Julian looked up in surprise as Philipp Lahm sat down next to him at lunch. He was soon followed by Per, Miroslav, and Benedikt. Julian had never sat with anyone at lunch before, never.

“For what?” He asked, still staring awkwardly at the people around him.

“The squad list goes up today!” Per said, a huge smile on his face. “Fips is going to be captain, right Fips?”

“I don’t know, it’s not set in stone that I’ll be captain,” Philipp answered.

The other three boys laughed, and Julian cracked a smile, pretending to have a clue he knew what they were talking about. Well, he did, he just didn’t know the team well enough to know who could be captain.

“You’ll be captain, no doubts about it,” Miroslav reassured him. “I’ve already written up my predicted starting eleven, what do you think Mr. Captain?”

He pulled out a napkin, and put it in the center of the table.

“You wrote it on a napkin?” Philipp asked, a smile on his face.

“Yeah, you’ve got a problem with that?”

“No, not at all. Please, let’s see it.”

Everyone crowded around to get a good look at it. Miroslav’s starting eleven had Manuel Neuer in goal, which was a given. It was rumored that he was the best keeper in all of Germany, and already had a couple big clubs chasing after him. The back line was composed of Philipp, Jerome Boateng, Per, and Benedikt. The midfield had Toni Kroos, Mesut Özil, Thomas M _üller, Sami Khedira, and him. Julian. Miroslav had predicted that_ _he_ _would be starting. He was so blown away and honored. And of course up front as a striker, Miro had put himself._

_“Mats won’t be happy with that,” Benedikt voiced._

_Miroslav shrugged, “Normally I’d pick him starting over you, but you know how little tolerance Jogi has for red cards, and technically Mats got one. Jogi will want to punish him for at least one game, and starting you instead of him will have very little effect on our ability to win. The guy thinks he’s a football god, but really, he’s not.”_

_“Miro, I wouldn’t-”_

_“Alright, this conversation is over,” Philipp interrupted, sensing as well as Julian was where that was going. It was clear Benedikt was ready to defend Mats, even if it meant bashing himself. Julian did not understand why Benedikt was so loyal to him; Mats didn’t deserve such a loyal friend in Julian’s opinion._

_They had some interesting conversation for the rest of the lunch period, which was their second to last of the day. Their school had a weird schedule where there were only five periods, but they were all eighty minutes long. It was kind of nice because you never had_ _too_ _much homework with the way it was set up._

_Julian’s last class of the day was Calculus, which of course, he had with Mats. He could feel Mats glaring at him the entire class as the anticipation of the squad list going up heightened. Julian was nervous, sure. But after all the kind words of encouragement he’d gotten from the other boys at lunch he wasn’t as worried as he’d been at the start of the day._

_When the bell finally rang, everyone moved out of the way to let the footballers rush to see the list. Julian hung back a little, and let most of the others check first. He heard whoops of joy, and saw people with their heads down in despair. Every single person who walked past him he smiled at, and he got some thankful smiles in return._

_Only once the crowds had thinned did Julian make his way up to the piece of paper. In reality, that’s all it was, a piece of paper. Yet somehow it had the power to make or break peoples’ school years._

_Right at the top of the list was a designated spot for captain. And right next to that was the name Philipp Lahm. Julian smiled, he was glad someone as kind and intelligent as Philipp was captain; he figured it would make his life a bit less of a living hell. He scanned down the list, and sure enough, he found his name there. The list didn’t designate a starting eleven, but Julian took notice that his name was one of the first eleven names. The first elven names were the same ones Miroslav had on his list earlier._

_Julian couldn’t help himself from smiling as he turned, and ran right into the one of the two people he most wanted to see at that moment. “Lars!” He exclaimed to his brother. “I made it! I actually made it!”_

_His brother’s face lit up, “I knew you would; they’d have been stupid not to take you! Come on, let’s go home. Trainings start tomorrow, right?”_

Julian nodded in confirmation, and followed his brother out of the school. They walked all the way home, chattering about how good the team was going to be, and how Lars would come to every single home game that year.

They went into their house and into the kitchen. Julian threw his bag onto the ground before really looking at the kitchen, and he nearly had a heart attack when he saw who was sitting at the table.

“Erik?” He asked, staring at his best friend. Erik shot up out of his seat immediately, and Julian could instantly tell something was wrong. His eyes looked red and puffy from crying, his posture was slightly more slumped than normal, and his whole body was shaking. It was a very subtle shake, and only something Julian noticed because he knew him _so_ well. But it was there, and it scared him. “Erik, how are you…”

“Doesn’t matter,” Erik interrupted. Even his voice sounded wrong. It was higher than normal, but again the difference was subtle enough that only Julian would have known. Was Erik trying to tell him something? Or was it all an accident that he changed things slightly that he knew Julian would notice? There was no way that was a coincidence.

“Erik, are you alright?” Julian asked, giving his friend a concerned look.

Erik nodded, “Yes, I’m fine. Can we talk outside?” He glanced sideways at Lars, and Julian nodded. He led him out to the backyard, which was surrounded by a tall fence. “Julian, I, we…”

He glanced around quickly, before pulling Julian into a tight hug.

“Erik,” Julian said, more firmly this time, pulling back. “What’s wrong? Your family, are they alright?”

“Yeah, they’re all alright. Mother says hi, and that she loves you. My father says thank you for everything you’ve done; Scarlett says she loves you too, Ann thanks you, Joshua says he loves his second big brother and uh, Max can’t talk, but I’m sure he’d say more of them same.”

Julian smiled, “Tell them all that I love them back and am constantly thinking of them.”

Erik nodded, before looking down at the ground. “Did you make the team?”

“Yeah, I did! Some of the guys think I’ll make the starting line up!”

Erik looked back up, and smiled for the first time that day. “I’m sure you will, you’re amazing and you know it.” He sighed, “I’m delaying the inevitable. Julian, I, we…”

“Erik…”

“We can’t be friends anymore,” Erik seemed to spit out. He turned away as Julian stared at him, his eyes wide.

“ _What_?”

“Please don’t make me say it again. I know you heard me.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“What is there not to understand, Julian?” Erik snapped, still looking away.

“Erik,” Julian repeated. But this time he grabbed his shoulder, and pulled him around so they were facing each other.

Erik was crying. Not just sniffles crying, there were actual tears streaming down his face. Julian instinctively reached out with his other hand to wipe them away, and Erik didn’t try to stop him. He clearly did not want to do this; someone was forcing him. It was then that Julian noticed the small microphone clipped to Erik’s shirt. He was bugged, someone was listening. It made Julian feel a whole lot better to know these weren’t Erik’s true feelings.

“Erik, it’s ok, I promise. It’ll be alright. We can still be friends no matter what, you know that.”

Erik shook his head and pulled away from him. “No Julian, we can’t. Don’t you get it? There’s no way this works out. We’re from two different worlds; we’re too different people. This was never going to work out, it just took me until now to see it.”

Julian shook his head; Erik was lying through his teeth. He _had_ to be lying. Someone _must_ have told him to say that.

“We can figure it out. We’re in this together, remember?”

“Not anymore Julian. We never have been, we never were, and we never could be. You seem to have some delusion in your head about us being these super close, would die for each other friends. That’s not the case for me.”

Julian shook his head, not believing a word he was hearing. “I don’t believe you.”

“You have to believe me! I’m telling the truth. I knew it all along Julian, we don’t, we can’t have anything.”

Can’t have anything? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

At that point, Julian’s heart was dying and his head was spinning. He couldn’t think straight. The one thing he dreaded more than _anything_ in the world was happening. Erik was his rock, his best friend, the only person he trusted with his life. Yet here he was, essentially telling him none of it was real.

He wanted to think it was all a lie, that he was being forced to say it. And deep down he knew that was the truth, but he was too hung up on his emotions in the moment to really think straight. He could feel the tears streaming down his face as he stared at his best friend. His best friend who was always there for him. His best friend who had promised him he’d never leave. _His best friend_.

“Erik,” he managed. “Why?”

Erik turned away again. “Please don’t ask me that. I’m-I’m going to go now. I’ve said all I needed to say.”

“Erik, please!” Julian repeated, grabbing his arm this time. “This can’t be it; after everything we’ve been through! This can’t be real; this isn’t happening!”

“Well it is Julian! Stop pretending, damnit! You know it’s done, so just let it go already!”

“No! You’re my best friend; you’re all I’ve got! You’re my everything Erik, you can’t just leave me alone!”

There was something in Erik’s eyes for a second. It was so quick that Julian almost didn’t see it, but he caught it. It was pain, a strong deep pain like Julian had never seen from his friend before.

“Erik this isn’t you, these aren’t your words. I know it.”

“They’re my words, Julian, how could they not be? I’m saying them; they’re coming from my head. Stop denying what you know to be true. Goodbye, Julian.”

Erik pulled away from his grasp, and Julian didn’t even notice him push a small piece of paper into his hand.

“Erik no!” Julian wailed. Erik started running, and Julian almost laughed as he took off after him. Julian was much faster than him, and he knew it. Erik ran around the house, and out the front gate before Julian could catch him. “Erik!” Julian cried again as he collapsed to the ground, his body unable to hold his weight anymore. Julian caught Erik looking back at him for a split second, that same look of pain in his eyes that he’d had earlier. “Erik!” He called out one last time, before his friend disappeared around the corner.

Julian couldn’t take it anymore as he buried his head in his hands and balled his eyes out. He felt something weird in his hand, and wiped his tears away to find a piece of paper that hadn’t been there before. It must have been from Erik; Julian had no idea how he hadn’t noticed it.

He forced himself to stand up, and ran up to his room. He closed the door, and locked it behind him. He laid down on his bed, and held the piece of paper to his heart.

He let the events of the past hour run through his head. From absolute bliss, to complete and utter heartbreak. He couldn’t believe what had transpired, but an all important question he’d never asked popped into his head. How the hell had Erik crossed the border? It was nearly impossible, and Erik was not a very risky person. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. Well, other than the fact that his best friend essentially just told him he could have cared less about him.

He looked down at the little piece of paper in his hand again. What could Erik possibly have written on such a small thing? What could he have to tell him that he couldn’t just say?

Probably a lot, he was bugged.

Julian drew in a deep breath, before he started unfolding the paper. Once he had it unfolded, he pressed it to his chest again.

He was scared to look. He didn’t know why, but he was terrified. He had a feeling that whatever was written on the slip would play an important role in deciding how happy he could be. He finally worked up the courage, and looked at the paper. He gasped when he saw its contents.

There were three words written.

Three words that, little did he know, would change his life for good. Those words, those three words. They would keep him going even when it seemed hopeless, even when it seemed like there was no light at the end of the dark, long tunnel that was life.

The three words written on the paper were, of course, the most powerful three words in the world.

“I love you.”


End file.
